When Your Career Costs Too Much

Last week my husband Brian spoke at the funeral for his old boss. His boss died of a massive heart attack, despite being younger than Brian and a marathon runner, leaving behind a wife and a young son.

Four years ago this month, Brian was on that same path. His team was responsible for designing new AI chips, and every step forward was something that needed to have been done yesterday to stay competitive. He started having chest pains and constant headaches, spending all of his time either looking at his computer or in bed. It was in November 2022 when he finally decided his life was worth more than his career, and after more than two decades at the company, he quit, leaving behind hundreds of thousands of dollars in unvested RSUs and stock options.

Three months later I also left my job and the career I had built. I'd actually been planning my departure for some time, working toward having enough investment cash flow to replace my income. But Brian's sudden decision to walk away wasn't something I had prepared for in our financial planning.

There are a lot of complicated emotions around setting boundaries and making a change, especially when they’re around a career that you love and have spent decades building. But sometimes stepping back and taking time to re-evaluate can end up saving your life and opening up new opportunities.  

For me, one of the hardest parts of making a decision like that is accepting that you're allowed to change your mind. We spend so much time working toward something, building expertise, earning promotions, accumulating wealth, and creating a professional identity that it can feel almost impossible to imagine walking away from it. I mean, I JUST finally finished paying off my 20-year student loans from graduate school!

And yet, the things that once motivated us might not be the things that matter most anymore, especially as we get older and have kids and aging parents who need us. Leaving a career doesn't mean those years were wasted. Changing direction doesn't mean you failed. And choosing your health over another promotion, another bonus, or another round of stock vesting isn't giving up. It's recognizing that there's more to life than what shows up on your W-2.

Four years later, Brian hasn't regretted his decision. We do have less financial wealth than we would have had otherwise, and each year we have to navigate the challenging ACA health insurance market. There are certainly days when I wonder what our financial picture would look like if we'd stayed another year, or two, or five. But I also know that the additional money would have come at a cost, and there's no way to know how much higher that cost might have become.

I don't think there's a universal formula for knowing when it's time to step back or to set more boundaries at a current job. And certainly everyone doesn’t have the financial flexibility to simply walk away, particularly when other people depend on their income. But I do think it's worth asking ourselves what we're sacrificing in pursuit of the next promotion, the next bonus, or the next financial milestone.

Maybe there’s a way to turn off the work email on weekends or make a point to be home every Friday by 6pm… or take the time off for the dream vacation you’ve been putting off for years. We spend so much of our lives planning for the future, sometimes at the expense of the present. We tell ourselves we'll slow down when we have enough money, when the kids are older, when we've reached the next milestone. But there's no guarantee that the future will look the way we imagine it, as Brian and I were reminded last week.

Financial planning should be about more than maximizing how much money you accumulate. It should also be about creating choices, building flexibility, and making sure that the life you're working so hard to fund is actually a life you get to enjoy. Sometimes the most important financial decision you make isn't how much you save or invest; it's deciding what you're no longer willing to sacrifice to earn it.