Why Your Financial Future Needs Your Friends

Hello from North Carolina 👋, where I'm savoring snuggles with my brand new niece and trying to be as much help as I can to her mama. Gosh, I love babies- but raising them is no joke. To all you parents going through it right now, you're amazing! 👊🏻

I especially admire my sister-in-law, who never shies away from expressing her values, has conviction for what she wants, and graces everyone around her with genuinely positive energy. Being around her, and watching my niece thriving in her new-to-the-world role, I'm filled with hope about the potential for women to shift the scale away from patriarchy and toward a just, equitable, and more balanced future.

Despite having days when I feel discouraged about our state of the world, I believe there are countless ways women continue to progress- at school, in the workforce, in motherhood, in childhood, in politics, and beyond.

Unsurprisingly, I often look at things through a financial lens, and that's what makes me pause when I talk to women I respect, who seem to have every aspect of their lives under control… but defer to someone else for their financial decisions.

My shock never diminishes my respect for these women. Rather, it makes me realize the work we still have to do: to dismantle the deep-rooted belief that no matter how capable and brilliant a woman might be, her place is not in finance 🤦‍♀️.

When Competence Stops Mattering at the Threshold of Finance

A good friend of mine is an absolute force in her career. She's a finance executive at a large tech firm, serves on the board of a major nonprofit, is a killer mountain biker, volunteers at school, never misses her children's soccer games, and when she speaks, people listen.

And yet, a few months ago, she told me that if she were in charge of her own finances, she wouldn't even know where to start.

Despite her competence in every other area of life, her husband and his advisor make the big money decisions for their family. She attends the meetings but tends to defer the decisions to them. I was utterly stumped. That's the opposite of how she handles every other part of life. So why are finances different?

Recent data offer some insight. A Bank of America survey found that although 94% of women believe they will be personally responsible for their finances at some point in their lives, only 28% feel empowered to act or make decisions about finances. The disconnect is clear: even as women believe they will hold financial responsibility, many aren't confident they can step into that role yet.

So what's the key to shifting this confidence?

First, we have to acknowledge the cultural precedent that exists- one that has made it the norm for men to gather and discuss money while making it taboo for women to do the same. Because of this, many of us either carry this internal bias or have watched this pattern play out throughout our lives.

My friend shared that she'd always seen a man take the financial lead: her father, his brothers, his father- all while her mother was never involved. While she knows it "shouldn't be" this way, she realized the same pattern was quietly forming in her own life.

Community Is What's Missing

A critical next step in building women's confidence around financial decisions is community. If we're going to feel empowered to make decisions, we need to do what humans naturally do before making any big decision: talk about it with people we know and trust.

As women, we need to get more comfortable talking about money. When we're with our friends, family, neighbors, or coworkers, it's important we can share what's on our minds when it comes to the big money questions we're exploring or the strategies we're curious about.

You don't have to overshare or dominate the conversation- start by asking questions. If someone you know is doing something you aspire to do, ask how they approached it. "How did you decide to invest in real estate?" "What made you feel ready to leave your corporate job?" "How do you and your partner handle financial planning together?"

When you break the ice with genuine curiosity, your community will reciprocate. Little by little, we can break down the money stigma that exists within our circles.

It's Not Just About Empowerment

I'm not suggesting that women need to take over every financial decision in their families. Rather, they should be actively participating in those discussions and ultimately be at least 50% financial stakeholders in their partnership (adjusted as appropriate for each family dynamic).

This isn't just about empowerment- it's about safety and preparation.

The statistics are sobering: women are 80% more likely than men to live in poverty at age 65 or older. Women are also four times more likely to outlive their husbands, and among those whose spouse passed away, nearly half reported losing at least 50% of their income after the spouse's death.

These realities are compelling reasons for women to be at the table when it comes to financial decisions- not merely as passengers.

When women take financial agency, they shape their futures rather than having futures shaped for them. When you're informed, you make the call, and you know exactly why things are being done-even when a professional advisor is involved.

You Can Take Your First Step Now

If you recognize yourself in any of this (and it's totally okay if you do), then take one step today toward deeper participation in your finances. Choose from this list:

Talk about money with your friends and family. Start with questions, not declarations. Ask what others are learning, what challenges they're facing, or what wins they've had. Open dialogue increases your communication skills and confidence around money.

Start tracking your finances: monthly income and expenses, assets and liabilities. When you chat with friends, share your methodology and ask about theirs. What tools do they use? What's working?

Get clear on your life goals and align them with financial goals. Put a dollar amount on each goal. Then, talk to people who have achieved similar goals- not to compare, but to learn.

Understand your net wealth and your "FI" number (the point where your passive income/savings can support your life). This is powerful to explore with your most trusted friends and family. Your progress might inspire someone you love to do the same.

Map out a plan showing how you'll get from where you are now to your financial goals. Stay aware of high-level tax-savings opportunities and financial strategies that make sense for your situation.

List the big questions you have: "What happens if I'm no longer working?" "What if my partner passes away?" "What if we divorce?"

Finally, book a free strategy session with us to start getting your questions answered and ensure you're on the right track.

If nothing else, let this be your invitation: you have every reason and every right to be an equal partner- if not the lead- in your financial decisions. Because your life, your values, and your goals deserve nothing less.